I wish i was in the wii world.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
