I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
