we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
