Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
