I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
