Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
