help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
