I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
