looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
