Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
