Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
