so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
