I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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