So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
