He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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