My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
