i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
