I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
