Duck Duck Cougar?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
