I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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