Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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