What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
