Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize