Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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