i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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