Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
