Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
