..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
