He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
