he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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