Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My boob is missing a layer of skin
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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