He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
