what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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