Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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