Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
