he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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