I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
