I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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