sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
