I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
