Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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