Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
not ubering you a puppy
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
