at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have fence marks all over my body
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
