Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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