looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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