Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
