problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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