I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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