I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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