I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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