Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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