The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize