she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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