she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
