We're facebook friends in real life
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
