I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize