I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
