I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize