Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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