Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
