I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
