It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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