I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
is wine microwaveable?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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