Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
