i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
