At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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