and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
