If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
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