You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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