Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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