Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
