your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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