When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
