The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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