just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
